Flibbertigibbet News

The Truth about Goats

Police search continues for the most ‘meaningless’ election issue


Officers have issued another request for any information pertaining to the whereabouts of the UK’s 2015 General Election. Meanwhile police have been dredging canals for anything that could be construed as a policy; but have only found one shopping trolley, the Lib Dems’ idea for proportional representation and  a photo of Neil Kinnock ‘falling in the sea’.

I could have sworn I saw something

I could have sworn I saw something

Officers confirmed that the most recent issue, that the electorate remotely cared about, was last seen in the Westminster area in 1979. One voter complained: ‘We’ve got politicians covering up child abuse scandals, nuclear threats in Ukraine and an unprecedented wealth gap AND YET I’m supposed to give a sh@t about Grant Shapps having two paper rounds!?!’

A police spokeswoman put out an appeal: ‘All puns aside, our use of search dogs have been scaled back until we have new leads. Please contact us if you can help our inquiries. Meantime we encourage the public to focus on the insignificance of whether David Cameron likes TV debates, Ed Miliband likes Alex Salmond or if Marmite likes Nigel Farage’.

Under Operation Apathy the force is re-examining missing policies from the last two decades; including the much derided ‘making people’s lives better’ manifesto pledge of the Monster Raving Looney Party. While body parts have recently be discovered – the Tory’s heart, Labour’s soul and the Lib Dems’ balls – DNA tests have proved that none of these are linked to our current batch of politicians.

by @Wrenfoe

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Information

This entry was posted on March 30, 2015 by in UK Crime and tagged , , , , , , , , .

Prize Winners

Our readers described Flibbertigibbet News as ..."only slightly less accurate than the Daily Mail"(Dizzychick84) ..."clearly under-appreciated" (Sean Smithson)..."Half man, half goat. All Comedy"(JizzOSmith)..."the best reason for smirking at work" (DavidHollands) and ..."clearly an elaborate internet phishing scam!"(XangChek12)

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive FREE notifications of new posts by email.

Join 557 other followers

Blog Stats

  • 36,328 fumbles

Follow Wrenfoe on Twitter

By

Award Winning

Reader Review

"It takes a sick and yet highly evolved mind to fully grasp the sophistication of your humor. I tried to explain this to my wife, who thought I was having convulsions as I lay on the floor laughing." (Mike Lince)

Flib Zealots

Reformation (play script)

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2014

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2013

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2015

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2016

%d bloggers like this: