Flibbertigibbet News

The Truth about Goats

Osborne offers all Pensioners a ticket to Las Vegas


In what he describes as a ‘pension revolution’, the Chancellor has agreed to invest the nation’s pension schemes on Nevada’s craps tables. By simply cashing out their savings now, those approaching retirement can boost the economy while experiencing the adrenaline of holding twelve in Blackjack.

The odds of you getting to 70 are 1-10

The odds of you getting to 70 are 1-10

George Osborne was quick to reassure pensioners that frivolously spending their pension now, would not in any way leave them short in later a years. A spokesman confirmed: ‘We’ve been criminally underfunding the NHS for decades, so there’s very little chance that you’ll live to get the benefits of a full pension. In fact, if you like those long odds, can I recommend a game of Baccarat supervised by the Mafia’.

Confused pensioners will be personally shepherded onto cruise liners by Mr. Osborne, with promises of a ‘trip of a lifetime’ provided that lifetime does not exceed the agreed two year limit.  A member of a Tory think-tank for fiscal studies said: ‘This is quantitative easing through the controlled use of slot machines. The Chancellor’s stimulus package, means that the elderly no longer need to rely on a fixed, regular income provided they can win big on the roulette table’.

The spokesman for Mr. Osborne announced: ‘Pensioners will have the opportunity to cash out and see David Copperfield fly. What other financial scheme offers one week in Sin City and your remaining years in poverty? Concerns about winter fuel allowance are not as nearly as exciting as mastering Caribbean stud poker while suffering from the early onset of alzheimers’.

by @Wrenfoe

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Information

This entry was posted on April 13, 2015 by in UK Business and tagged , , , , , , .

Prize Winners

Our readers described Flibbertigibbet News as ..."only slightly less accurate than the Daily Mail"(Dizzychick84) ..."clearly under-appreciated" (Sean Smithson)..."Half man, half goat. All Comedy"(JizzOSmith)..."the best reason for smirking at work" (DavidHollands) and ..."clearly an elaborate internet phishing scam!"(XangChek12)

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive FREE notifications of new posts by email.

Join 540 other followers

Blog Stats

  • 34,044 fumbles

Follow Wrenfoe on Twitter

By

Award Winning

Reader Review

"It takes a sick and yet highly evolved mind to fully grasp the sophistication of your humor. I tried to explain this to my wife, who thought I was having convulsions as I lay on the floor laughing." (Mike Lince)

Flib Zealots

Reformation (play script)

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2014

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2013

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2015

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2016

%d bloggers like this: