The Truth about Goats
In attempt to help voters lose their lunch, the Lib Dems have promoted their answer to C4’s ‘The Undateables’. Offering a stark choice of sexual extremes, Nick Clegg has positioned himself as the ‘moderate filling’, sandwiched between the thick, sweaty slabs of the SNP’s Alex Salmond and UKIP’s Nigel Farage.
Those online, looking for love, can flick through photos and profiles of the three leaders in order to make their stomach-churning choice. One divorcee complained: ‘Like most dating websites the choice seems to be between a potential serial killer, a foot fetishist or a closest homosexual. The trouble is, I can’t tell which is which?’
Some critics have suggested that Mr. Clegg is coming across as overly-keen, ‘almost stalkerish’, with his offer. A Lib Dem spokeswoman explained: ‘Being the lesser of various evils is something to be proud of. After all, that’s the criteria on which most of us chose a husband’.
A spokesman for the Deputy Prime Minister attempted to reassure voters who were apprehensive about online dating: ‘Nick’s your typical guy. He’s a Capricorn, he likes long walks in the country and he’s got his own sex dungeon. He’s just looking for some no-strings attached proportional voting and he’ll happy swing with any political party that takes his fancy. But note to Ed Miliband – no time wasters please.’