The Truth about Goats
As one of his key election promises, Ed Miliband intends to crackdown on the abuse of low-skilled Labour Leaders. A task force will be established to find out why Mr. Miliband has been repeatedly forced to fumble speeches and eat bacon sandwiches without any prospect of a full-time job as Prime Minister.
A spokeswoman for Mr. Miliband complained: ‘In eight years there have been only four prosecutions of exploitative employers and in that time Ed has been tricked into a zero-hour contract combined with a zero-possibility of an outright majority’.
Ironically, for the last four years, David Cameron had been accused of under-cutting the role of Prime Minister; a job that could easily have been outsourced to a local chimp. While the Deputy Prime Minister, Nick Clegg, has picked close to ‘ten thousand punnets of strawberries’ in exchange for a failed referendum on proportional representation.
A Home Office spokesman explained: ‘This situation, like Mr. Miliband’s over-bite, has been blown out of proportion. Primarily we a talking about a small number of people willing to do a job that no self-respecting Brit would want to do – namely, Leader of the Opposition’.