The Truth about Goats
Now that the entire General Election revolves around glowing generalities, a cross-party committee of MPs has agreed that greater representation should be given to positive, abstract concepts. So with the last day of voter registration looming fast, all spare votes will be distributed among those impossible to prove beliefs such as the ‘common good’, ‘patriotism’ and ‘Britain’s got Talent’.
Meanwhile the ‘Hard Working Family’ is now the centre piece of all political rhetoric; a term that the entire UK populace associates with – along with ‘sexy, funny and good at sports’. One election candidate explained: ‘Alright it’s a phrase that actually has no meaning but, equally so, you don’t want to disagree with it. It’s like Santa or Tory housing plans – you know it doesn’t exist but you don’t want to be the killjoy who says it.’
We will never know if lazy families have felt marginalized, as no one admits to being one. In fact, when asked ‘are you pro-freedom, hope and peace’ 100% of the electorate says yes – despite at least one of that electorate being Katie Hopkins.
Some cynics have suggested that such phrases gain approval without the need for scrutiny – like ‘organic’, ‘low-fat’ or James Corden’s career. One voter commented: ‘I’ve got a tough decision on Polling Day. Which ‘hard working politician’ do I vote for? Although, that particular phrase is probably an oxymoron or at the very least an Oxbridge moron.’