The Truth about Goats
In what fine-diners are describing as the ‘ultimate in fast food deterrents’, the Conservative Party has committed to extending its nuclear arsenal by £34bn ‘because it comes with a free drink’. Likewise the Chancellor, George Osborne, will have some tough decisions while he queues for his subs; should he have the Big Beef Melt or the weapons-grade plutonium Melt-Down?
Staff at the take-away will have their work cut out preparing the four subs in their usual ten minute window. In fact, given that some radioactive waste can remain hazardous for up to one million years, SUBWAY may struggle to maintain its 97% recycling target for packaging. Although, everyone agrees that these particular subs definitely come pre-microwaved.
Neither Labour nor the Conservatives have committed to matching the NATO target of spending 2% of GDP on sandwiches. Although Mr. Osborne has not ruled out getting his hands on a £5 foot-long – or the ‘full Boris’ as it is called. A spokesman for the Chancellor explained: ‘Expanding Trident represents a relatively inexpensive weapons system which comes with low-fat, apocalyptic toppings’.
Some argue that Trident is redundant, but Mr. Osborne is confident the British public will swallow anything provided it is smeared in delicious BBQ sauce. The spokesman said: ‘After eating these bad boys, Mr. Osborne will be launching from his bathroom his own continuous, at-sea deterrents’.