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Voters have 48 hours left to touch me, cautions Clegg

In a stark warning to the British electorate, the Deputy Prime Minister has made it clear that we have only two days left to ‘run our fingers through his hair’. Faced with the prospect of an electoral wipe-out, the Lib Dem Leader’s body will be firmly ‘off limits’ should he fail to get re-elected.



In Cardiff, Mr. Clegg shocked voters by pulling his shirt over his head and allegedly shouting: ‘Say goodbye to these Abs’. A party spokesman explained: ‘You don’t know what you’ll be missing until he’s gone. If you liked it then you should’ve put a ring on it’. Meanwhile the Prime Minister, David Cameron, has been seen taunting people with his rolled up sleeves, claiming a vote for Labour means no more ‘rubbing his guns’.

Mr. Clegg has embarked on a 1,000 mile, two-day road trip to show Britain what ‘a sweet piece of ass’ they will be giving up. Wearing his signature scent, he has confidently predicted that the electorate will not be able to forget their past love, strolls through proportional representation or fiery nights reflecting on student finance. However, the spokesman make it clear: ‘…that the Lib Dems would draw a Red Line at any pity sex’.

Not wishing to appear too needy, Mr. Clegg has so far firmly resisted phoning and texting voters. Close friends have noticed how he has given himself space to ‘find himself’ and get a ‘sassy’ new haircut. One Lib Dem Minister commented: ‘Nick understands what went wrong. He’s changed for the better. Our supporters may be squeamish about jumping into bed with the first person who can form a majority Government, but Nick knows to keep this relationship fresh he needs to swing both ways.’


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This entry was posted on May 6, 2015 by in UK Politics and tagged , , , , , , , .

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