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The Truth about Goats

Scanning reveals a third of Election promises are empty


By exploring Egypt’s bogus mummy industry, the University of Manchester has stumbled across the discovery that a significant number of manifesto pledges were just ‘bundles of cloth, filled with mud and sticks’.

It doesn't matter which Party, it's all cursed

It doesn’t matter which Party, it’s all cursed

In Ancient Memphis, embalmers were forced to improvise when the demand for mummies outstripped supply; in the same way politicians have made additional promises to keep up with the electorate’s appetite for ‘bullsh@t’. This scanning project of more than 800 mummies and stuffed politicians, has exposed fakery on an industrial scale; with many of the electorate left with hollow words and the ‘Curse of Tutankhamun’ – also known as ‘Michael Gove’.

The BBC’s ‘Horizon’ programme will run an exposé on how the General Election confounded historians and those obsessed with death cults. One researcher commented: ‘Many believed that these manifestos contained the body of a policy or at least the skeleton of an idea. However, X-rays and CT scans show that most of us have been duped into voting for something that smells like a dead cat, looks like a dead cat but is actually just padding until the next election’.

Several Egyptologists wrongly identified one set of cadaverous remains, as the blood-drained corpse of a lost Pharaoh, but it was just George Osborne taking a nap. Scientists estimate that up 70 million animals may have been mummified by the Egyptians, while by comparison only 63% of the British electorate got stuffed by not voting Conservative. As the researcher explained: ‘Often the most beautifully wrapped promises contain no substance at all’.

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This entry was posted on May 14, 2015 by in International Science and tagged , , , , , , .

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