The Truth about Goats
By exploring Egypt’s bogus mummy industry, the University of Manchester has stumbled across the discovery that a significant number of manifesto pledges were just ‘bundles of cloth, filled with mud and sticks’.
In Ancient Memphis, embalmers were forced to improvise when the demand for mummies outstripped supply; in the same way politicians have made additional promises to keep up with the electorate’s appetite for ‘bullsh@t’. This scanning project of more than 800 mummies and stuffed politicians, has exposed fakery on an industrial scale; with many of the electorate left with hollow words and the ‘Curse of Tutankhamun’ – also known as ‘Michael Gove’.
The BBC’s ‘Horizon’ programme will run an exposé on how the General Election confounded historians and those obsessed with death cults. One researcher commented: ‘Many believed that these manifestos contained the body of a policy or at least the skeleton of an idea. However, X-rays and CT scans show that most of us have been duped into voting for something that smells like a dead cat, looks like a dead cat but is actually just padding until the next election’.
Several Egyptologists wrongly identified one set of cadaverous remains, as the blood-drained corpse of a lost Pharaoh, but it was just George Osborne taking a nap. Scientists estimate that up 70 million animals may have been mummified by the Egyptians, while by comparison only 63% of the British electorate got stuffed by not voting Conservative. As the researcher explained: ‘Often the most beautifully wrapped promises contain no substance at all’.