The Truth about Goats
In a decisive move, the Prime Minister has set out proposals to confront the evil forces of clemency undermining society. By weeding out the root cause of all radicalism – a ‘passively tolerant society’ – David Cameron is sure we can reclaim England’s green and pleasant bigotry from those that are too naïve or foreign-sounding to use it effectively.
A Home Office spokeswoman said: ‘Being nice is a sign of weakness. We need to be more like a bastard for the bastards to take us seriously. Once we’ve established ourselves as top bastards, then the other bastards will be nice. It stands to reason, if more of us were like bastards then the world would be a nicer place’.
In his speech Mr Cameron explained that gone are the days that ‘as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone’; although he was quick to state that this would not be applied to the issue of tax avoidance. He made it clear that he resented the fact that too often extremists ‘promote hatred, that is seeking to divide our society’, clearly infringing on his own job description.
The new counter-extremism bill will include immigration rules, powers to close down premises and the ability to ‘summon the Eye of Sauron in our hour of need’. The Home Office spokeswoman refused to get drawn on the fact the respected Quilliam Foundation had already dismissed the Bill as failing to tackle radicalisation: ‘Look my Dad’s bigger than your Dad. Kindness is for wimps. And everyone knows Ghandi wore a dress!’