The Truth about Goats
Following frank and open discussions between David Cameron and the SNP Leader, Nicola Sturgeon, it has been agreed that Britain will be dismantled and absorbed into a devolved Scotland. The Prime Minister stressed that this would allow him to maintain his commitment to keeping the UK together but also honouring his pledge for a more independent Scotland.
Initially the SNP had argued that their power base should be in Edinburgh; but having seen the sights of London, it was agreed a venue ‘in the Westminster area’ would be ideal. An SNP spokesman said: ‘Obviously, any rebranding of Scotland needs to reflect these newly acquired regions and our ties to the monarchy. Some kind of Kingdom, maybe? A United one?’
A spokeswoman for the Prime Minister explained: ‘The all-party Smith agreement will make Scotland the most powerful devolved parliament in the world; and quite frankly we want to be part of that. North of the border they have a strong majority, a landscape brimming with huntable wildlife and not a Labour MP in sight. Why wouldn’t Mr. Cameron want to join?’
Ms. Sturgeon cautiously welcomed the changes but admitted that there would be some challenges in ruling such a large country. Her spokesman said: ‘Yes it will good to have full fiscal autonomy, but not all the liabilities. What about this area north of Carlisle? It seems terribly cold and wet. I also hear that it has high rates of premature mortality, a pension timebomb and only one good football team. Can’t we just get rid of that bit and keep the rest?’