Flibbertigibbet News

The Truth about Goats

Correction: Bankers NOT imprisoned‏


It has come to our attention, that a typographical error may have given a false impression that employees at the world’s five largest banks are facing trial as a result of constant acts of multi-billion pound robbery. Of course, no such charges would ever be brought, and we would like apologise unreservedly for suggesting that banking executives had lost their traditional immunity from prosecution.

All in unmarked bills

All in unmarked bills

The omission of the word ‘not’ was clearly an oversight and in no way was influenced by the fact the banks have been found guilty (again) of criminality on a global scale. We would like to thank our various readers, who all seem to be working for law firms paid for by Barclays, for pointing out our mistake. By drawing our attention to this factual inaccuracy, we hope to draw a line under the matter and would politely ask JPMorgan not to repossess our house.

Obviously the £3.6bn fine – which represents a tiny fraction of the money stolen – should in no way be seen as an admission of guilt. One editor explained: ‘If anything, we urge our readers to compensate those bankers who’ve given up their valuable time rigging benchmark interest rates. Perhaps with some more austerity cuts? Or maybe it would be best if we all just gave Citigroup a blank cheque made out to CASH’.

In separate news a young drug addict was gaoled for 14 years for an act of domestic burglary, amounting to £400 of stolen goods. As he passed sentence, the Judge said: ‘You are an habitual criminal, who uses his ill-gotten gains to fund a lifestyle that is beyond your means. Your parasitic behaviour wrecks lives and yet you expect society to bail you out. Oh, sorry…excuse me – I thought we were talking about the Royal Bank of Scotland’.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Information

This entry was posted on May 25, 2015 by in International Crime and tagged , , , , , .

Prize Winners

Our readers described Flibbertigibbet News as ..."only slightly less accurate than the Daily Mail"(Dizzychick84) ..."clearly under-appreciated" (Sean Smithson)..."Half man, half goat. All Comedy"(JizzOSmith)..."the best reason for smirking at work" (DavidHollands) and ..."clearly an elaborate internet phishing scam!"(XangChek12)

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive FREE notifications of new posts by email.

Join 540 other followers

Blog Stats

  • 34,022 fumbles

Follow Wrenfoe on Twitter

By

Award Winning

Reader Review

"It takes a sick and yet highly evolved mind to fully grasp the sophistication of your humor. I tried to explain this to my wife, who thought I was having convulsions as I lay on the floor laughing." (Mike Lince)

Flib Zealots

Reformation (play script)

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2014

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2013

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2015

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2016

%d bloggers like this: