The Truth about Goats
Using replicated human skin, the French cosmetics firm are slowly cloning the 60’s style icon. With state-of-the-art 3-D printing a spokesman said they expect to re-create Twiggy: ‘…from scratch, or scratchings to be precise. Twiggy scratchings. Twiglets, if you like’.
Like any good serial killer, L’Oréal currently stores thousands of square feet of skin samples. However, this new technology will allow them to print models part by part; the spokeswoman confirmed: ‘All we need are a few of Linda Evangelista’s toe nail clippings or the shavings from Cheryl Fernandez-Versini’s moustache and we can create new cells. The printer then copies the original until you have a mindless lump of tissue in front of you – like Kate Moss’.
The bio-engineering firm, Organovo, have already printed liver tissue for use by Keith Richards. In turn, L’Oréal intend to use the printed skin to test products but hope to create full-size Twiggy bodysuits which can be worn by any woman in her mid-60s. The spokeswoman explained: ‘Why settle for looking like Twiggy, when you can be Twiggy. Coated in a Twiggy epidermis. Just don’t sit too close to any hot lamps.’
Using printed skin will allow L’Oréal to move away from Animal Testing and reject the accusation they had already created a ‘3-D rat-faced weasel’, as just ‘an unflattering shot’ of Andie MacDowell. The spokeswoman said: ‘We want the consumer to ask. Maybe she’s born with it? Maybe it’s Maybelline? Maybe it’s the result of sinister bioengineering by a firm founded by Nazi sympathizers?’