The Truth about Goats
The Prime Minister has begun his discussions with other European leaders, with the bold gambit of pulling his trousers down and inviting spectators to ‘kiss my pink tushie’. Many political commentators have been surprised at Mr. Cameron’s tactic, but have applauded his attempts to open a dialogue ‘in something other than French’.
Whether acts of derision are the best way to placate EU members remains to be seen, but what is clear is that Mr. Cameron is keen to bring his brand of ‘Bullingdon Diplomacy’ to the table. A Conservative spokesman explained: ‘The PM wants to show the UK’s willingness to reform Europe. On his part, this will entail two fingered gestures, hurled ethnic slurs and smidgen of gratuitous nudity’.
This nuanced line of discussions are set to include foot tapping, backside scratching and a quick rendition of ‘chinny reckon’. The spokesman said: ‘The Prime Minister is well-qualified to renegotiate Britain’s treaty commitments. To this end he will be employing his best poker face – which involves putting his thumb on his nose and waggling his fingers and singing ‘Two world wars and one world cup’.’
Following this opening, Mr. Cameron listened attentively to his European partners by picking lint off his clothes, inspecting his fingernails and whispering ‘whatevs’ under his breath. His spokesman clarified: ‘A decade of crossing our arms, tutting and refusing to parlez vous francais has not had the impact we hoped. We need to give offense while maintaining a patronizing air of superiority. That’s why we’ve sent for Boris Johnson’.