The Truth about Goats
Thanks to a shortening of our attention spans, the majority of UK citizens only feel a heightened sense moral outrage for the beginnings of sentences but drift into apathy in the later portion. Most readers ‘zone out’ in the death and destruction part of the narrative; having already assumed any story starting with the phrase ‘teenager from West Yorkshire’ is just a precursor to an exposé on binge drinking in Magaluf.
While Talha Asmal died in an oil refinery attack south of Baiji, his age of 17 has drawn the most attention. Many have taken to social media to complain that if you were too young to remember Britpop, you were ‘too young’ to participate in a Jihad. One twitter user posted: ‘I’m pretty much okay with bombing. And suicides are fine, provided that they don’t delay my commute. But young people – young people, doing anything – p@%$es me off. Lowrider jeans, what’s that about?’
A Dewsbury local explained: ‘I was shocked by the age of this bomber. Shocked I say! If he had been 18 – well, fair enough. Eighteen is fine. In fact, if he’d been in his twenties I’d have been positively bored by the story. I was reading an article the other day about enforced prostitution, but when I discovered that the participants were over 30, I just lost interest. Over thirty? How is that sexy?’
Although Home Office spokeswoman suggested we might be missing the bigger picture: ‘We’ve anarchy in Syria and Iraq, with over 700 citizens travelling to fight for extremist organisations; but we only get upset if they are too young to buy fireworks?’ However, she did concede that at 17 you can leave your body to medical science; just with suicide bombers the tricky part is ‘finding the bits’.