The Truth about Goats
Despite battling with colon cancer and corruption charges, the ex-FIFA executive’s greatest regret is being mistaken for every other rotund, beard-wearer. Subsequently Mr. Blazer, 70, has struck a deal with the US Department of Justice that he will be immune from prosecution, being asked about Rudolf the Reindeer or to being instructed to shout ‘Gordon’s Alive?’
Speaking at a press conference Mr. Blazer, refused to drawn on the next series of ‘The Apprentice’ or his Theory of Evolution. His spokesman said: ‘Chuck is none of those guys. And he’s getting pretty damn tired about being asked for Peter Dinklage’s autograph. He accepts that he may have been culpable in money laundering and income tax evasion but he won’t take the rap for the Red Wedding’.
Identity confusion caused by beards is not a new phenomenon; Karl Marx and Friedrich Engels would regularly swap wives, while James ‘Grizzly’ Adams once went on a book tour disguised as Charles Dickens. Although it should also be noted that Marx and Engel’s wives were ‘into’ swinging and that Dickens once killed a panda with the aid of some lead piping and ‘a bottle of chloroform’.
Many have questioned if Mr. Blazer can be taken seriously as a ‘supergrass’, while having a shrubbery attached to his chin. A lawyer for Sepp Blatter complained: ‘Can you really rely on his testimony? He was expelled from Hogwarts, imprisoned in Azkaban – he’s not the man he was when he appeared in ‘Cracker’.’ While in separate news George R. R. Martin is set to be charged with World Cup racketeering, wire fraud conspiracy and killing off Eddard Stark.