The Truth about Goats
A rather quizzical British Prime Minister left the Brussels summit, arm in arm with an equally confused Greek PM, Alexis Tsipras. Having promised to leave the talks with an improved deal for the UK, a sheepish Mr. Cameron left now the proud owner of a bankrupt Greek economy, seven cans of old paint and a four pack of AA batteries ‘with two missing’.
Clutching a bin-liner filled with expired medicines and indiscriminate power cables, Mr. Cameron declared the discussions a great success. His spokesman agreed: ‘These treaty concessions and old greeting cards left by the Belgium Finance Minister, are the spoils of victory. This Betamax cassette is a tribute to the Prime Minister’s negotiating skills. Let no man sneer at these…what are they? Oh, yes – these, lovely, used makeup-sponges – that he has won’.
Some cynics have suggested that Angela Merkel has used the situation to unload a lot of unwanted ‘tat’ on an unsuspecting Mr. Cameron, but the Prime Minister looked ebullient waving a wire coat hanger overhead. The spokesmen confirmed: ‘The UK can expect a more equitable fisheries policy and a fairer division of the plastic bags from under the sink’.
By the end of 2017 the British public will decide in a referendum if ‘an extra set of buttons that came with a cardigan’ are sufficient for their needs. Certainly they will wooed with an old bath mat, a stained t-shirt and an ‘unidentified foil-wrapped item of food’ from the back of Francois Hollande’s fridge. Addressing onlookers, Mr. Cameron assured them that he had struck a good deal in exchange for UK sovereignty: ‘I hold in my hand, four magic beans. I believe these to be peas in our time.’