The Truth about Goats
By diverting their terror campaign towards international holiday resorts, the Islamic State has underlined their fundamentalist belief in ‘affordable camp sites’. Many have misconstrued the massacres and bombings as an assault on democracy; whereas in reality, the jihadists just want more British holidaymakers to experience a ‘fun night in Skegness’.
One masked gunman explained: ‘By driving the infidels out of Islamic territory, we hope they will re-populate Splash Waterworld’. This commitment extends to establishing a caliphate in the Middle East, but also supporting donkey rides at Minehead. The gunman continued: ‘All Muslims must swear allegiance to Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, while all Westerners must visit the dodgems at Bognor’.
Some have warned about the radicalisation of Redcoats, with accounts of these entertainers using machine guns to motivate campers. A spokesman for Butlins said: ‘While we were surprised to receive an endorsement from a Sunni militant group, we do appreciate the subsequent rise in chalet bookings. Although, it’s hard to imagine the black and white ISIS logo as a Butlin’s badge’.
Through various social media outlets IS has declared they want an Islamic state free from Western Imperialism, snooker halls and inflatable castles. Tourists now have an option of beheadings in an exotic holiday locale, or Barry Island. One guide commented: ‘You’ll have a really wonderful time at Butlins by the sea…mainly because you won’t get shot’.