The Truth about Goats
The Prime Minister has insisted that all terrorist organisations will no longer be permitted to release material under their previous stage names. Mr. Cameron has instructed the BBC to never refer to Islamic State directly and to return to calling the Royal Mail – ‘Consignia’.
A spokesman for No.10 said: ‘It really helps to re-name things, particularly if you have no intention of actually doing anything different. Think of the Arab Spring, New Labour or Cheryl Cole. For example, if we start calling terrorists ‘fluffy kittens’ I suspect all of us will feel safer. Nobody worries about the threat of fluffy kitten attacks’.
As yet Islamic State have refused to comment on this rebranding, but were unlikely to adopt the ‘love symbol’ as a replacement. Mr. Cameron stated preference is for prefix ‘so-called’ to be added but that would involve reporters having to do air quotes all the time. His spokesman admitted: ‘Look, Hull FC are not the Hull Tigers. The new Superman sucks. And Pepsi Mountain dew tastes like sh”t no matter what you call it’.
For many, a rose by any other name is still likely to shoot you on the beach. The spokesman explained: ‘Of course like ‘Ronseal’, some things do what it says on the tin. Who can forget #susanalbumparty. Yes, Mr. Cameron has described the artist formerly known as IS as a ‘poisonous death cult’, although I believe that he substituted the word cult for something similar sounding’.