The Truth about Goats
Much to the embarrassment of diplomats, Greek Finance Ministers and Iranian Defence Officials found themselves on opposite sides of a negotiating table; forced to simultaneously haggle over debt relief and nuclear disarmament. Not only are both sides at loggerheads but this promises to be a meeting with no end in sight; with representatives advised to bring camp beds, adult diapers and ‘enough Adderall to wake the dead’.
Meanwhile members of the UN Security Council are trapped in Swindon’s ‘Marriott’ Conference Room, with no one to talk to. One frustrated representative said: ‘We’d come to argue over bailouts and sanctions, but instead we’ve been treated to complementary beverages and a power-point display on management structures. I wouldn’t mind but John Kerry couldn’t work the clicker and kept shouting ‘Next’ and ‘Skip that one’ at the French’.
Negotiators have become increasingly frustrated with the Greco-Iranian summit and the feasibility of Iran being able to bomb Greece’s bankrupt banks. One journalist commented: ‘Neither side are willing to compromise, except on the issue of extensions to deadlines – they are both in favour of that. Everything is always at the 11th hour – I can’t remember the last time I saw 10 o’clock’.
Many fear that both countries are heading for a meltdown – nuclear and financial – not too dissimilar to the worst kind of fondue. A spokesman for the two sides said: ‘We wish to assure our creditors and arms inspectors that a solution will be found. To that end, we have agreed that Iran will withdraw from the Euro and Greece will dismantle the wooden horse they’ve been working on.’