The Truth about Goats
As part of Chancellor George Osborne’s policy to liberate planning permissions, several of London’s most dilapidated eyesores have been scheduled for demolition. Rather than face a repair bill of £5.7bn, the UK’s rat-infested Parliament will be transformed into a dozen attractive semi-detached homes, complete with off road parking, five hundred years of democracy and their own ‘Black Rod’.
Technically the House of Commons is designated a ‘disused’ industrial zone, given that nothing productive has occurred there in decades. While developers have been invited to submit proposals for the Westminster site; with ideas ranging from the practical (‘a landfill site for Lib Dems’) to the outrageous (‘a place where laws get made’).Obviously there is some concern over the ‘listed’ aspects of the building, but everyone agrees that it is time to dismantle Dennis Skinner.
There have been a few dissenting voices, in that 56 new SNP MP’s are claiming squatting rights and refuse to get sent back to ‘that sh@t hole in the north’. However, the Chancellor is confident that the building project will go ahead and has already listed the proposed houses on ‘Rightmove’. The description reads: ‘Attractive maisonettes, overlooking the Thames and the homeless John Bercow. Within a stone’s throw of your local MP – or a brick if you prefer’.
Some have already applied for tenancy agreements, including one regular housing benefit recipient – a Mr. B Johnson and his many ‘illegitimate sprogs’. One builder commented: ‘It’s quite an undertaking, we’ve got a lot of deadwood to remove. Not to mention avoiding asbestos and Jacob Rees-Mogg’. Mr. Osborne will also have to decide if the Commons will be relocated to nearby or to go with the public’s preferred option of ‘another Marks & Spencer’.