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Worst fears confirmed: God is a lefty


In gifting Pope Francis a hammer and sickle-shaped crucifix, Bolivian President Evo Morales proved once and for all that the divine being is just as much a ‘hippy’ as his son was. Now that God has been officially ‘outed’, many anticipate he will promote a left-wing agenda of world peace, veganism and an endorsement of Jeremy Corbyn.

Pope Francis

Pope Francis

Combining Catholic and communist symbols, has caused the same levels of concern as when Pope Francis headlined at last year’s ‘Burning Man’ festival. Appearing in a Che Guevara t-shirt and Thai fisherman trousers, a Church spokesman refused to be drawn on God’s political leanings but did admit that the Vatican would soon be turned into an organic farm.

God (in the form of a burning bush) spoke of the freedom of being able to express his socialist ideas, play a didgeridoo and reek of Nag Champa. He announced his intention to perform on the alternative-comedy circuit with his own brand of left-wing gospels and observational quips on why Michael Mcintyre is going to hell. Although one hard-line priest complained: ‘The power has clearly gone to God’s head, he’s suffering from a Russel Brand-complex’.

Many right-wing observers had assumed God was more reactionary; with his tough Old Testament stance on homosexuality, women’s rights and clothing made from two different fibres. However ‘Lefty God’ has a clear message for his followers – brotherly love, save Palestine and learn to fire poi. Asked if he endorsed George Osborne’s dismantling of the welfare state, he replied: ‘Of course. We need to weed out all those work-shy single-mothers on disability benefit. I may be a pseudo-marxist crypto-anarchist but I’m not crazy!’

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This entry was posted on July 22, 2015 by in International News and tagged , , , , , , .

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