The Truth about Goats
Despite rigorous denials of any wrong-doing, lawyers for Mr. Cosby have been forced to concede that he invariably mixed red wine with fish, over-poured champagne and mistook Rohypnol for a bowl of olives. Accusations that the stand-up comedian bullied and abused others is not dissimilar to most wine stewards, but only he had a ‘special’ corkage fee.
Mr. Cosby’s lawyers asserted that he never mistook Dom Ruinart for a Blanc de Noirs rather than a Blanc de Blancs, but may have been a bit ‘fuzzy’ on the whole consensual issue. Mr. Cosby also had a reputation for making a cocktail more soporific than Tom Cruise’s dire 80’s rom-com. One sommelier offered a few tips for wine tasters: ‘Red shouldn’t taste fizzy and white shouldn’t have a flavour of Ketamine’.
Mr. Cosby admitted to having never studied viticulture, but having spent many years as a television doctor, he felt qualified to administer pills. One restaurant critic suggested: ‘Trust your palate. If after a few sips, you wake up in a state of undress – it’s probably corked. And if a strange man offers you his fermented grape juice, at least read the label first’.
Many of the accusations directed at Mr. Cosby’s fall outside the statutes of limitations, which is ironic given that most wines and litigations increase in value over time. One female diner commented: ‘Drowsiness has often been a side-effect of watching Mr. Cosby on television but I would also be wary of joining him for a meal. If he asks – ‘What goes with well with pudding?’ – don’t be tricked into buying his over-priced dessert wine or 5 ccs of Cherry Meth, just get the bill and run for a taxi’.