Flibbertigibbet News

The Truth about Goats

Channel Tunnel NOT a gateway to Narnia


The Ministry of Defence has been forced to release a blanket denial that Calais’ entrance to the UK is the portal to a fantasy kingdom of bounteous social benefits. Sadly immigrants have been flooding into the area under this mistaken belief that they will get to meet Aslan, hobbits and the cast of ‘Glee’.

Castles in the Sky

Castles in the Sky

Nightly, hundreds of desperate stowaways, risk their lives to get a peek of the animals of Farthing Wood. One migrant admitted: ‘The UK is the land of milk and honey – resting on the backs of four huge elephants and one enormous space turtle. Where else can you claim child benefit for dependents living outside the UK, while at the same time sending you other kids to Hogwarts?’

Prime Minister David Cameron has issued a statement saying that the UK would not become a ‘safe haven’ for migrants and that sightings of a horny man-goat, were not Mr. Tumnus but Boris Johnson instead. A MoD spokeswoman explained: ‘Many great works of English literature have given a false impression that Neverland exists. And reports of any Lost Boys have already been submitted to the Independent Inquiry into Child Sexual Abuse.’

Guidelines issued by the MoD make it clear that at no point should people attempt to follow an agitated white rabbit with a pocket watch, down a tunnel marked ‘Eurostar’. The spokeswoman confirmed: ‘Our advice to those hoping to enter mythical Britain is to click your heels together three times and say ‘There’s no claiming in-work benefits, such as tax credits’.’

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Information

This entry was posted on August 10, 2015 by in UK News and tagged , , , , , , .

Prize Winners

Our readers described Flibbertigibbet News as ..."only slightly less accurate than the Daily Mail"(Dizzychick84) ..."clearly under-appreciated" (Sean Smithson)..."Half man, half goat. All Comedy"(JizzOSmith)..."the best reason for smirking at work" (DavidHollands) and ..."clearly an elaborate internet phishing scam!"(XangChek12)

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive FREE notifications of new posts by email.

Join 550 other followers

Blog Stats

  • 35,309 fumbles

Follow Wrenfoe on Twitter

By

Award Winning

Reader Review

"It takes a sick and yet highly evolved mind to fully grasp the sophistication of your humor. I tried to explain this to my wife, who thought I was having convulsions as I lay on the floor laughing." (Mike Lince)

Flib Zealots

Reformation (play script)

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2014

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2013

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2015

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2016

%d bloggers like this: