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The Truth about Goats

MPs more ‘horny’ than Rock Stars


With Prime Ministers and Lords now being implicated in historical, contemporary and all future imagined forms of sexual perversion, The Rolling Stones may be forced to retire. Unable to compete with libidinous appetites of your average politician, Gene Simmons has decided to burn his little black book, moth-ball his penis and roll up his tongue.

The Deputy House Speaker

The Deputy House Speaker

Frustratingly for most pop stars, MPs are willing to take their sexual excesses to the extreme; one drummer said: ‘Keith Moon would think nothing about dressing a goat in suspenders, but even he would balk at partying in a Cyril Smith gimp mask’. Even Hugh Hefner is planning to transform his Playboy Mansion into a legislative branch of government, to see ‘a bit more action’.

However, there are some positives, as one ecologist explained: ‘We’re hoping to splice panda DNA with one particularly debauched aristocrat. Not only will we solve the reproductive problems of one species, but all future Lords will be able to grow their own furred robes’.

The situation has also enabled people like Warren Beatty to now be known for their moderation; with Russell Brand the new ‘face of abstinence’. In hindsight certain political slogans may have been intended as a double entendre; such as the Conservatives’ ‘Are you thinking what we’re thinking?’, Labour’s ‘Eat the Rich’ and the Lib Dems ‘Every hole’s a goal’.

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This entry was posted on August 17, 2015 by in UK Politics and tagged , , , , , , .

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