The Truth about Goats
Sprout Pharmaceuticals have released a new drug, Flibanserin, guaranteed to have the same impact on the female sex drive as ‘sitting on Russell Brand’s knee’. No longer will women have to resort to One Direction fantasies to support arousal, as the pill with give them the same hormonal levels of a ’70’s Light Entertainer’.
Flibanserin, marketed in the US by Addyi, is competitively priced to match the leading libido brand, of a bar of chocolate and a nice white wine. One doctor explained: ‘Too long have we had a heavy reliance on the psychological stimulus – or in layman’s terms – the Wank Bank. This drug will also allow married woman to move away from conventional tools such as putting a bag over your partner’s head, asking them to shower or leaning on the washing machine’.
A spokesman for Sprout said: ‘Ironically increasing male sexual thoughts simply involves keeping the patient awake, but with women things are more complex. Fortunately lab experiments where white rats were given a dose of Flibanserin, caused the test subject to act like a school boy with a stash of Jennifer Lawrence selfies’.
However, some are intimidated by intimacy engineering; one male said: ‘It’s all very well creating a generation of horny ladies but where will they go? Do we really want the streets to look like Newcastle on a Friday night? If my girlfriend resolves her low sex-drive and low self-esteem, how will I convince her to marry me?’