The Truth about Goats
British politicians have confirmed that Tehran and London are to restore diplomatic ties with a celebration of ‘the golden age of Ray Reardon’ . Foreign Secretary Philip Hammond will visit Iran and play a series of ‘match play’ events against 1991’s World Champion, ‘chirpy John Parrott’.
Previous legislation, which placed restrictions on tobacco advertising, had forced the closure of Iran’s solitary snooker hall. Now, much to the jubilation of Shias and Sunnis everywhere, the two nations will be able to iron out their differences on green baize. While World Snooker chairman Barry Hearn said he was ‘confident’ he could resolve the Palestinian question.
Middle Eastern snooker had been previously dominated by the three great Ayatollahs – Joe, Fred and Steve Davis. Yet sadly, there are still bitter memories of how Iranian protesters in the late 90s stormed the Embassy Hall, demonstrating against Stephen Hendry’s loss of form. Fortunately Tehran has now reached an agreement with six world powers to stop ‘dabbling with bar billiards’.
An Embassy official said: ‘Our first priorities will be the issuing of visas, ensuring all cues are chalked and that we wear those funny white gloves. The normalization of relations between two historic nations will be heralded by a performance on the Iranian Tar by Chas & Dave singing the national anthem – ‘Nuclear Loopy’.’