The Truth about Goats
Despite their best attempts to demolish the Temple of Bel, the Islamic State has been unable to explode a variety of stacked geometric shapes. Although the historical city of Palmyra boasts more than 1,000 columns, 500 tombs and many coloured squares – the military group has repeatedly ‘topped out’ to the soundtrack of the ‘Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy’.
Touring the Middle East, IS had hoped to destroy a myriad antiquities with their quick fingered mastery of Nintendo’s NES and ‘a huge quantity of explosives’. However, the increasing speed with which these ancient ruins have appeared, have made it impossible to keep up. One terrorist commented: ‘We’d been hoping to level up but we just seem stuck on this medieval zone – which any five year old could master’.
Last week, IS blew up the much smaller Baalshamin temple, but many claim they used ‘cheat codes’. The caliphate knows it is under a timer to complete as many lines as possible before the end of the game – or ‘drone strike’ as it is called.
The UK-based Syrian Observatory for Human Rights monitoring group said: ‘Parts of the Middle East (or ‘Blocks’) are falling faster to IS but at the same time Sunni’s are struggling manoeuvre around falling debris. To date, Tetris remains the most ported video game in history; while fundamentalism remains the most copied brand of stupidity, since the dawn of time’.