The Truth about Goats
The election front-runner, Jeremy Corbyn, has rejected the rumour that the popular socialist super-group has ‘split’ for good. Although Yvette Cooper has hinted that she may pursue solo projects, a spokesman for Harry Styles has said he is still committed to ‘progressive centre-left politics’ and ‘screaming twelve year old girls’.
The group claim to have had four number ones but voters can only remember their fetid pile of ‘number twos’. Despite this, Labour still plan to release its fifth studio album – a homage to the Blair Years – ‘Captain Fantastic and the Brown Dirt Cowboy’. However Liz Kendall has already been criticised for plagiarizing lyrics from ‘an old Tory manifesto’.
Early this year the group was thrown into confusion when Zayn Malik quit; although most admit that David Miliband was far and a way the better singer. Likewise, Corbyn with his youthful naivety and ‘come-to-bed beard’ has been a big hit with female fans; while Andy Burnham appeals to the elderly, confused and ‘firemen’.
The Forbes list suggests they made $130m on album sales but blew it all on a Spinal Tap inspired ‘Edstone’. The band’s publicist said: ‘Five years is a long time for any opposition band. All the touring, canvassing and wild parties with Jeremy Paxman take their toll. And we refute the suggestion that the group’s fan club has been infiltrated by supporters of ‘Little Mix’.