The Truth about Goats
To the delight of technology fans and beard-wearers, the Labour Party is planning to launch a new device which will revolutionize the way we think of revolutions. This simple handle-held socialist will come in a retro 1980 shell, an expanded memory that includes references to Nye Bevan and with one button – mysteriously labelled ‘panic’.
Some have complained that the iCorbyn™ will have a ‘bad reception’ in parts of southern England, but admit that it cannot be worse than Vodaphone. The new phone will have a ‘touchy feely’ screen, which responds to pressure from fingers and fingers from pressure groups. It will also have a range of ‘Apps’ guaranteed to customize as well as nationalize.
Ironically iCorbyn’s main competitor, Apple, are persisting with their gimmicky ‘Liz Kendall 6S’, which runs on the same New Labour operating system as every other candidate. While in 2020 the Tories plan to launch the ‘Chocolate Boris’, but early concerns are that it is a ‘bit of a brick’, with no smart technologies and a ring tone that sounds a ‘deflating space hopper’.
The iCorbyn™ will have 80% more processing power than a ‘Milliband’ equivalent but will fortunately not have the ‘Ed’s’ calamitous selfie-camera. An inbuilt virtual assistant, voiced by the late Tony Benn, will instantly provide directions to the user, provided all those directions are ‘turn straight left’.