The Truth about Goats
Politicians and giddy school girls alike have stormed the internet in search for tips on how to copy the latest fashion sensation – ‘Refugee Chic’. Anyone who is anyone is desperate to get themselves photographed next to a drowned body, a reeking container or a somewhat stressed-looking border guard.
One designer declared: ‘Migrants are so 2015. Sunken cheeks, hollow eyes and a rather damp smell. You can mix and match any clothing or colours, provided it looks like you’re wearing your entire wardrobe. And no outfit would be complete without figure-hugging children, draped over your shoulders’.
A Foreign Office spokesmen said: ‘Obviously there is a fundamental difference between an economic migrant and a refugee. When submerged in water, one will drown and the other will float. Failing that, see if they have an extra nipple, a broomstick or can recite the Lord’s Prayer. That last one is particularly effective with Muslims’.
While the UK initially only resettled 216 Syrians, one guilt-free Minister spoke out: ‘We’ve always been pro-migrant. And I challenge anyone with the memory of a goldfish and with no access to the internet, to find any statements to the contrary. We are the very definition of compassionate and not spectacular hypocrites who can only elicit an emotional response for photographs, injured pets or sad piano solos’.