The Truth about Goats
Manufactures of gooey yeast-extract are concerned that the recently elected Labour leader is stealing their ‘love it or hate it’ marketing campaign. Brand recognition for the vitamin B-rich snack has been blurred with Jeremy Corbyn to such an extent, that many voters now refer to him as ‘bearded food paste’, ‘black ambrosia’ or ‘thankfully not that f@#tard Ed Milliband’.
The polarising effect of Mr. Corbyn is splitting communities, families and X-factor Judges. One of his supporters commented: ‘You’ve got to ask yourself. In 2020 do you want the salty residue of Jeremy on your toast, or do you want your breakfast smeared in Boris Johnson? A haters gonna hate, but they’ll always have marmalade as an option’.
As Unilever has exclusivity rights to the name, they may insist Mr. Corbyn is re-labelled ‘Vegemite’ due his stance on animal rights. A spokesman for Marmite said: ‘As an analogy our product should be used sparingly. Actually, as a spread our product should be used sparingly. Too much marmite is like having a seagull regurgitate an anchovy supper in your mouth’.
Some have likened Mr. Corbyn to being more similar to ‘Marmite Extra Old’ with his rise in the polls attributed to being 100% British yeast. Either way, other love/hate celebrities will now be down-graded to apathy/indifference; or Chris Moyles has he is known. One swing voter explained: ‘Ultimately Jeremy is an acquired taste – like socialism, rimming or Mrs Brown’s boys. Which makes for a very specific Venn diagram’.