The Truth about Goats
Taking their cue from the Peak District, the French Government has decided to tear down 7,300 tonnes of scrap metal, which have been blotting their capital’s landscape since 1889. This electricity pylon, sometimes referred to as the Eiffel Tower, has been superfluous since its inception and has been unfavourably labelled ‘like the BT Tower, without the WIFi coverage’.
The rusting monolith will be replaced by tasteful underground cables and the area above turned into a wildlife preserve for mime artists. At a ridiculous 324 metres, this pylon has been obscuring views of the city for over one hundred years. In turn, plans to erect similar sized pylons across Paris were quickly rejected, with the original architect blaming a mix up with the metric system and a large bottle of Cabernet sauvignon.
Environmentalists welcomed the decision as the Eiffel Tower is often tragically the recipient of bird-strike and drunken proposals of marriage. The only group to complain about the proposal are vendors of replica towers, although they are hoping to unload their ‘tat’ in Blackpool.
Recently French citizens have demanded the erection of a new monument with more ‘l’aspect d’une rue parisienne’; with the current frontrunner being a bronzed dog turd. One Parisian said: ‘This ugly pylon is like a meccano set with a pituitary problem. If I wanted to stare at an unwieldy lump of merde inutile, crawling with tourists, I would follow Gérard Depardieu for the day’.