The Truth about Goats
Responding to criticism of animal cruelty, the Mayor of Pamplona has set out proposals to capitalize on reports of yet another Hajj stampede. Rather than see the loss of human life as a waste, city officials want to combine scarring cattle with incompetent Saudi Arabian crowd control.
At least once in their life, every able-bodied adult Muslim must undertake to chase rampant Spaniards and narcissistic tourists down a narrow street. Participants of this festival of Sanfermines will still be alcohol-free but there ‘significantly’ more stoning rituals than before. With all pilgrims required to attend in pairs, in order to don a pantomime cow costume.
One animal rights activist welcomed the changes: ‘Bulls suffer unnecessarily – with extreme panic, injury and violence – so, it’s more appropriate if we can inflict that on people. Traditionally the bull run is started with a rocket launch, which for many from the Middle East will make them feel right at home’.
In the last 40 years over 3,000 people have been killed in pilgrimages to Mecca, compared to a paltry hundred deaths by goring. A Pamplona official said: ‘Pilgrims are relatively slow moving, while the average speed of the herd is 24 km/h; so, some sort of cattle prod may be in order. We are dedicated to maintaining our medieval culture, we just can’t be bothered with the risk assessment’.