The Truth about Goats
Following on from the news that North Sea cod is to return to the dinner table, the Marine Conservation Society (MCS) has declared that ‘tree-hugging beardy-weirdys’ are no longer endangered. Members of the public are now permitted to mock environmentalists without fear of reducing their numbers and are free to ‘fry them’ in ridicule, ‘batter’ them with abuse and smother them in the ‘ketchup of their scorn’.
In the early 80’s Green membership had dipped due to overfishing, changes to the environment and David Icke declaring himself the new messiah. However numbers have quadrupled to 67,000 in a year – which ironically has led to an increase in hot air emissions. Subsequently, the MCS have said Green supporters can now be abused as ‘an occasional treat’, particularly on a Fridays.
Originally strict limits had been placed on the numbers a vegetarians that a restaurant could cater for; but now lentils, Quorn and sanctimonious conversation are to be the norm. Sadly, however, dwindling Lib Dems are still being forced to breed with Pandas to increase membership. While Tories have allegedly resorted to something involving a dead pig, but which is ‘biologically unlikely’ to result in offspring.
With the Bournemouth conference about to begin, traders at Billingsgate fish market anticipate an influx of dead eyed, foul smelling delegates – all wrapped in something recyclable. An MCS spokeswoman said: ‘While Greens are back on the menu, some of their policies may still be hard to swallow’.