The Truth about Goats
The BBC’s economics editor is to leave his lucrative position as ‘man who pretends to know stuff after it has happened’ and to take-over the role of ITV’s dress-down expert. Known for his tenuous relationship with formal attire, Mr. Peston is expected to introduce a range of clothing items to news reporting; including flip-flops, rompers and the ‘banana hammock’.
Critics of Mr. Preston’s dress sense have raised concerns that his appointment may lead to a deluge of topless ITV journalists. Newsreader, Julie Etchingham, has already expressed reservations about Preston’s full frontal approach; while others have said it harkens back to a golden era when Sandy Gall went trouser-less for the period of 1974-83.
Unbeknown to many of the public, Mr. Preston’s has long had an allergy to ties, buttons and ‘washing behind his ears’. In fact, his button-less approach is less a rebellion against formality and more a need to ventilate a septic navel piercing. He has also attested to being chaffed by synthetic fibres, but the only eyewitness to this was Jeremy Paxman.
Mark Austin is said to ‘welcome’ the challenge of more informal dress and has long repressed his own fetish for dressing as a Tiller girl when reading his ‘…and finally’ segment. An ITV spokeswoman said: ‘We welcome Robert and his liberated attitude to the sock/sandal combo. As political editor, he’ll be able to bring his own brand of gratuitous nudity to our screens. However, there is still an embargo Alastair Stewart’s naked torso; ever since that embarrassing interview involving Dominique Strauss-Kahn, a distressed marmoset and bowl of jelly’.