The Truth about Goats
The National Children’s Bureau for the ‘bleeding obvious’ has discovered that ‘d@$king around on the Xbox’ rather than doing your homework, might be a barrier to academic greatness. By contrast research initiated by all teenagers, has revealed that all work and no play makes Jack a ‘swat who no one invites to parties’.
These almost contrasting conclusions have split scientists; particularly those who spend all day starring at data on a computer screen in the hope of proving that starring at a computer screen is bad for you. Meanwhile, figures suggest that children who play video games twice a day are less likely to achieve in exams, but 100% more likely to kick your arse at ‘Hearthstone’.
One teenager replied: ‘I know playing ‘Rocket League’ instead of revising is bad for me. But so is smoking, drinking and trying to get girl’s pregnant – but I’m gonna have fun trying. Now excuse me, I need to get totally badass by chainsawing up a hellspawn in this first person shooter’.
The same study has found no link between social media use and exam performance, but has noticed a correlation between the use of Twitter and essays that are only 140 characters long. One scientist admitted that: ‘Teenagers are likely to persist with things they enjoy even if they know it’s counterproductive. For instance, constant masturbation may stunt your cerebral development; but who wants to find a cure for cancer when you could be having a sneaky wank?’