The Truth about Goats
Having agreed to meet Elton John to discuss gay rights, the Russian President has laid out a schedule to meet other ‘influential’ 70’s glam rockers to improve his international relations. First on his list will be Roy Wood, ensuring that for the people of the Ukraine it is Christmas is every day; meaning cold, bleak and with the surprise gift of annexation.
A wide range of initiatives will set pulses racing throughout the UN, as Putin himself coordinates foreign policy resplendent in a Suzi Quatro leather jumpsuit. A Kremlin spokesman confirmed: ‘Encouraged by ‘Mott The Hoople’, all the young dudes on board the our Caspian Flotilla will be launching cruise missiles into Syria. While, advised by ‘The Sweet’, every ballroom in Damascus will be blitzed’.
Mr. Putin is also hoping to enlist the skills of the original line-up of ‘Roxy Music’ to solve recent controversies related to World Cup corruption. The spokesman said: ‘Bryan Ferry will be using his suave sophistication to distract from the accusations that Russia bribed FIFA. And if that doesn’t work we’ve got Brian Eno ready to unleash some avant-garde ambient sounds, while Michel Platini makes a run for it’.
Russian officials are hoping that any future assassinations of dissenters, will be better disguised using a myriad of David Bowie outfits from the Ziggy Stardust Tour. While anyone suffering from acute heavy metal poisoning can be blamed on Alice Cooper. The spokesmen shrugged of criticism with a joint statement from Putin and ‘Slade’: ‘Mama Weer All Crazee Now.’