The Truth about Goats
Israel’s Prime Minister will be returning to Washington to re-assert his utter disdain for President Obama, through a series of tightly choreographed insults. These diplomatic disses will include Mr. Netanyahu egging the Presidential residence, burping the Star-Spangled Banner and making derogatory comments about Mr. Obama’s ‘momma’.
Not content with urging Congress to scupper the Whitehouse’s Iran deal, Mr. Netanyahu will continue the insults by repeating everything he hears in a high-pitched nasal drawl. Any criticism of his behaviour will be greeted by ‘Bibi’ putting his fingers in his ears and making an audible raspberry noise. His aides are on strict instructions to ensure he arrives late to every meeting, fidgets through discussions and plays loud music ‘until the early hours of the morning’.
A Whitehouse spokeswoman complained: ‘First they borrow things without asking – like $4bn of military aid. They forget to say ‘please’ or ‘thank you’ for decades of unequivocal support. And now Israel’s Head of Diplomacy (Dr Ran Baratz) is having a pop at us on Facebook; as if he was a One Directioner and we were Zayn Malik’s career advisor’.
This follows Mr. Netanyahu cosying up to Vladimir Putin in Moscow; which was a clear attempt to enrage Mr. Obama while maintaining ‘Eurovision’s Axis of Evil’. An Israeli spokesman denied Mr. Netanyahu had put the President’s toothbrush in toilet, hair dye in his shampoo or tied firecrackers to his dog, ‘Bo’: ‘A big boy did it. But he ran away. He definitely looked Palestinian’.