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Austerity hits funding for terrorists


Speaking at the G20 summit, World Leaders have agreed to ‘cut off’ financial support for terrorists, which many would agree was an odd funding priority in the first place.  Western democracies will now trim back on their involvement in financial loopholes which so often subsidize terrorism;  however a spokesman for David Cameron was quick to reassure business leaders that we would still be selling them ‘plenty of guns’.

Hard to keep track of

Hard to keep track of

The spokesmen explained: ‘Yes, the CIA funded and trained al-Qaeda during the 80s.  And yes, we helped ISIS to topple the Syrian government.  But it is important to remember that terrorists are really bankrolled by kids downloading movies for free.  DVD piracy kills.  And not Kalashnikov rifles we happen to be selling’.

The Chancellor, George Osborne, has made it clear that public sector cutbacks must also extend to nefarious support for extremists.  A spokeswoman for the Treasury said: ‘While ISIS have provided good value for money in the past, we have to balance that against cost of funding other unsavoury radicals; such as teachers, nurses or policemen’.

The Prime Minister has confirmed that he will be increasing Intelligence Agency staff by 15%, while continuing to turn a blind eye to the money laundering in the British banking sector.  His spokesman said: ‘We will clamp down on those that support terrorism…just as soon as we have shifted this weapons stockpile.  Then we will clamp down – oh, but we need to topple this regime first.  But then, definitely then we will – oh, we just need to purchase some of this black market oil.  But after that. Oh, yes. We are SO on top of this’.

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This entry was posted on November 30, 2015 by in International Crime and tagged , , , , , .

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