The Truth about Goats
With all the pellucidity of mud, the Government has asked the British public about changes to their Health Service through a process of whispers, winks and carrier pigeon. Not wanting to draw attention to anything alarming, the Secretary of State (Jeremy Hunt) has sensitively chosen not to advertise the consultation for fear of ‘over-shadowing the John Lewis Xmas campaign’.
The proposals, which could see the NHS outsourced to ‘Poundland’, have been kept clearly in the public arena; like proof of aliens, the whereabouts of Lord Lucan or why the BBC has a red button. In homage to the late Douglas Adams, the consultation document could be found: ‘…on display in the bottom of a locked filing cabinet stuck in a disused lavatory with a sign on the door saying ‘Beware of the Leopard’.’
A spokeswoman for the Health Department said: ‘Primarily Mr. Hunt is shy. He didn’t want to brag about all the excellent ideas he’s been having; such as ATM’s in surgeries, allowing private drug companies to print their own money or telling Junior Doctor they can sleep ‘only after retirement’.’
Through a combination of sleight of hand, Jedi-mind-trick and wavering ‘coloured bits of string’, Mr. Hunt has successfully distracted voters. The spokeswoman explained: ‘It’s like a bad diagnosis – ultimately, you’d rather not know. Suffice to say we are all looking a bit peeky and I wouldn’t make any long terms plans’.