The Truth about Goats
A magnanimous Chancellor announced this week a sizeable increase to NHS spending, so long as medical staff were willing to go ‘toe to toe’ combating I.S.. With an impressive 2% of gross domestic product up for grabs nurses will able to train with the special-forces, mid-wives will fly F-35B fighter planes and many more hospital beds will be made available on board the new type-26 frigates.
A treasury spokeswoman said: ‘We are flush with cash, but our priority is taking lives not saving them. There’s plenty of money for NHS frontline services, provided the NHS is willing to fight on the frontline. Likewise, we are not against single parents or the disabled. By trimming the welfare budget to fund a bombing campaign, we will be creating many single parents and disabled people – just in Syria’.
As part of the Strategic Defence and Security Review, plans are in place to send all the UK’s extra influenza sufferers over to Syria to form a cut-price biological weapon. In addition, any other public sector workers can receive their first real pay rise in ten years, provided they can demonstrate first strike nuclear capability for less than the £40bn quoted for Trident.
This increase in military spending is seen as a shot-in-the-arm to arms industry and potentially a shot-in-the-head for neurologists. A British Medical Association spokesman said: ‘We’re not against our doctors fighting insurgents per se but what we do object to having to do it on weekends. Over-tired staff could lead to patient deaths – although I guess that’s the point’.