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The Truth about Goats

Japan launches scientific whaling programme to see if they are ‘tasty’


In a triumph of hunger and sophistry, Japanese scientists have cunningly resumed killing whales to determine if they should be killing whales.  As research outcomes go this is particularly satisfying, as even if the necessity for killing whales remains unproven it will still mean they get to kill whales – a mouth-watering prospect either way.

Free Willy

Free Willy

Other research extends to answering important questions like – how much Wasabi do you need to coat a whole whale, who brought the sake and what time is lunch? One salivating trawler man explained: ‘We’re just hunting these beautiful, aquatic mammals for purely scientific reasons.  If one or two of them end up as sushi, that’s just a finger-licking coincidence.  Now pass me the soy sauce’.

Opponents of whale hunting point to the suffering involved and that cod is a more ‘practical size’ to serve with chips.  Undeterred, Japanese businessmen are willing to pay exorbitant amounts for this rare dish, along with a lap-dance from Miley Cyrus dressed as a Tamagotchi.  Such is the demand for whale-meat that there is talk of creating a ‘drive-thru’ model in Tokyo – or ‘SeaWorld’ as it is known in the US.

A Japanese scientist said:  ‘The International Court of Justice has declared our actions criminal but the bigger crime is not having a little nibble.  Whale is moreish, although I couldn’t eat more than one.  Don’t forget Norwegian Scientists still hunt and every year find a smorgasbord of new research material – although I think they call it a koldtbord – we just call it a menu’.

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2 comments on “Japan launches scientific whaling programme to see if they are ‘tasty’

  1. MBBlissett
    January 7, 2016

    It’s stuff like this that is the reason aliens haven’t come yet.

    ‘Well, they either fuck or eat every living thing including one another. They develop increasingly nasty technologies to do it, they invented a global digital consciousness and share kitten pictures and shaky videos of people beating each other up on public transport. Let’s wait until the new season of Game of Thrones starts before we finally decide, though.’

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This entry was posted on January 7, 2016 by in International Environmental and tagged , , , , , , , .

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