The Truth about Goats
In a triumph of hunger and sophistry, Japanese scientists have cunningly resumed killing whales to determine if they should be killing whales. As research outcomes go this is particularly satisfying, as even if the necessity for killing whales remains unproven it will still mean they get to kill whales – a mouth-watering prospect either way.
Other research extends to answering important questions like – how much Wasabi do you need to coat a whole whale, who brought the sake and what time is lunch? One salivating trawler man explained: ‘We’re just hunting these beautiful, aquatic mammals for purely scientific reasons. If one or two of them end up as sushi, that’s just a finger-licking coincidence. Now pass me the soy sauce’.
Opponents of whale hunting point to the suffering involved and that cod is a more ‘practical size’ to serve with chips. Undeterred, Japanese businessmen are willing to pay exorbitant amounts for this rare dish, along with a lap-dance from Miley Cyrus dressed as a Tamagotchi. Such is the demand for whale-meat that there is talk of creating a ‘drive-thru’ model in Tokyo – or ‘SeaWorld’ as it is known in the US.
A Japanese scientist said: ‘The International Court of Justice has declared our actions criminal but the bigger crime is not having a little nibble. Whale is moreish, although I couldn’t eat more than one. Don’t forget Norwegian Scientists still hunt and every year find a smorgasbord of new research material – although I think they call it a koldtbord – we just call it a menu’.