The Truth about Goats
Tarek Ahmadi (34) has written to the Speaker of the House of Commons complaining about the 66 threatening votes he and his family had received from Labour MPs. In an explicitly worded 10 hour debate, various politicians made it clear of their intent to bomb Mr. Ahmadi has his a family; showing them that the UK is tough on terrorism, cheap oil and stubborn stains.
A spokesman for John Bercow dismissed Mr. Ahmadi’s fears, insisting: ‘…that it was just part of the cut and thrust of parliamentary democracy. If I’d had a pound for every time our MPs threatened to bomb someone I’d have enough money to buy a bomb! Obviously not a Trident missile, that would be too expensive’.
Initially the threats were thought to come from an internet troll, disgruntled ex-boyfriend or a Katie Hopkin’s press release. A police spokeswoman explained: ‘The kind of person that makes this kind of threat is usually delusional and will sometimes fantasize that their victim wants to be attacked. Normally death threats of this kind are anonymous and hastily written – while this one is on vellum and signed off by some guy called Hansard’.
Meanwhile Labour MP Simon Danczuk, with no sense of irony, spoke of his distress at receiving an apparent online death threat for the death threats he had made. A friend of the MP complained: ‘It’s exactly the same as the threats Simon made but, as we know, most social media users have Britain’s armed forces at their beck and call. Simon made his threat in jest – whereas these terrorists represent a very real online threat to his safety – just like his ex-wife’.