The Truth about Goats
Much to the surprise of the US multi-instrumentalist and his management team, Prince has been inundated with top secret memos and requests to ‘Do me baby’ from the Secretary for Health. While his wide vocal range is much admired, many have questioned his ability to comment on the Eurozone, Theresa May’s penchant for 90’s grime music and on ‘whether Michael Gove is one Sexy M.F.’.
Some have speculated that an administration error may have resulted in the wrong ‘Prince’ being copied into sensitive ministerial documents, but Whitehall insiders insist that: ‘David Cameron is a big fan of Purple Rain and all cartoon characters used in greetings cards’. Meanwhile a spokeswoman for Clarence House reiterated that a confused Prince of Wales had no intention of releasing any ‘funk-fusion’ and that citizens should stop implying that Charles was a pioneer of the Minneapolis sound.
According to papers released under the freedom of information act, Prince’s sole contribution to the Syrian conflict was to advise UK/US combatants to wear ‘more flamboyant costumes’, with greater emphasis on raspberry ‘rather than green berets’ . A spokesman for Campaign group Republic complained: ‘Just because you’ve your own brand of psychedelia does not entitle you to unfettered cabinet access. We’ve been there before – you only have to look at that hash that Wendy & Lisa made of banking regulations and Rick James is the reason why we invaded Iraq’.
There is evidence that Prince may have lobbied David Cameron at the Paris environmental conference, expressing concern at the toxicity of rain and it’s distinctly ‘mauve hue’. His also is said to have warned about the carcinogenic effects of a depleted ozone layer on the human skin cells; and while there are many dangerous forms of electromagnetic radiation, Prince insisted: ‘Nothing Compares 2 UV’.