The Truth about Goats
Much to the frustration of Iowa voters, Tuesday’s caucus races failed to deliver a calamitous front-runner that the US could view with ‘universal disdain’. Instead, the primaries split the electorate between a series candidates that ranged from the lamentable to the woeful; failing to distinguish between a ruinous Cruz presidency, a dire Trump triumph or a zombie-apocalypse.
Democrats have also displayed indecision, torn equally between voting for a 74-year-old fantasist or his carer, Nurse Ratched. Likewise Barak Obama has already been ruled out for a third term, not due to constitutional reasons but simply because he is too competent. This leaves Americans with the unenviable task of asking Bill Cosby to run as an independent candidate.
This sudden influx of mediocre ‘objectionables’ or deficit of exceptional morons (depending on your perspective), leads to the questions – how do you vote for the lesser of all evils, if everyone has cloven hooves and pitchfolk? Even ‘America’s Got Talent’, normally such a rich source of imbeciles, gives the impression that everyone is capable of fifteen minutes of injudiciousness provided they have a dream that is ‘dumbass’ enough.
Traditionally US elections provided clear cut choices between right or more right wing, George Bush Senior versus Junior or not giving Puerto Ricans a vote and not giving Puerto Ricans a vote. One Iowan said: ‘We need one unifying dimwit to bring the country together, which is why I’m endorsing Kanye West for 2020.’