The Truth about Goats
The European Court of Human Rights (ECHR) has ruled that although an employer is entitled to check their worker’s correspondence, they are under no obligation to find any of it ‘interesting’. Equally so, they should make ‘no attempt’ to correct factual errors or grammatical mistakes, even if the message is clearly ‘the daubing of deranged chimp’.
Mail sent via chat software is now open to scrutiny, but not open to scorn: ‘…even if the employee is splitting infinitives in a manner that makes your skin crawl’. Likewise the ECHR has warned about the dangers of intercepting romantic correspondence: ‘as most of it is syrupy prose and sickening imagery; which makes ‘50 Shades of Grey’ sound like a Jane Austin novel’.
The ECHR has said that while employees can be sacked for their misuse of time, the official guidance on those using ‘twee emoticons’ is to take them out the back and ‘beat them with baseball bats’. A spokeswoman explained: ‘Technically they’re doing personal things during business hours, but at least they’re only inflicting their poor spelling on friends and family’.
Above all else, business leaders are advised never to hit the ‘forward’ button; even if the message contains the phrase ‘flippity floppity floop’, salacious images of Jennifer Lawrence or an adorable kitten meme. One Strasbourg judge commented: ‘If you want something illegible, self-important and a waste of resources you should read some EU regulations’.