The Truth about Goats
At least one member of the music press and upwards of a dozen photographers are thought to have gone too far in trying to ingratiate themselves with the international pop star and may have disappeared up her awarding-winning rectum. Going to any length to flatter Adele, friends of the reporters fear that they may have inadvertently entrapped themselves with a series of fawning interviews cunningly disguised ‘as suppositories’.
Earlier this year Adelle had to have Graham Norton surgically removed, along with the editorial team of the NME. One journalist declared, as he emerged bleary eyed from her lower intestine: ‘It was hellish. All I asked was – did she think she was the greatest human being off all time? And the next thing I know, I’m up to my neck in poorly digested ballads and covered in sweetcorn’.
Such world class brown-nosing is normally reserved for members of the Royal Family or whenever Jeremy Clarkson interviews ‘a skinny actress’. However, Adele has inspired new levels of obsequiousness; which can only be shifted with colonic irrigation or an old-fashioned ‘dose of Jeremy Paxman’.
Missing for sixty days, presumed dead, the journalists will have to adjust to life outside of the UK’s most successful female recording artist. For some it may be difficult to relinquish their sycophantic ways; the superlatives to describe her latest album, laughing at her every utterance and the comfort of her derrière. Some had been concerned when James Corden recently decided to interview Adelle but fortunately ‘he was too busy’ disappearing up his own arse.