The Truth about Goats
Pauline McClusky (24) of Sheffield, Hallam, has finally put up for sale her extensive collection of Nick Clegg memorabilia and her much smaller collection of Clegg ‘promises kept’. The once proud co-founder of the ‘Clegg fan-site’, Ms. McClusky admitted it is now time to hang up her ‘Danny Alexander blow-up doll’ and seek out some meaningful psychotherapy.
With his loveable ginger mop-top, ‘Cleggy’ set hearts aflutter with his unique brand of rock’n’roll politics and pop psychology. At its height, ‘Clegg-mania’ saw Lib Dem policies top the charts on both sides of the Atlantic. One social historian commented: ‘Who can forget the heady days of 2010, when hordes of adoring teenagers lined the streets to hurl their underwear Nick and toss rubble at Vince Cable?’
Ms. McClusky had turned her bedroom into a shrine to centre-left politics, while ironically Mr. Clegg made a grave of his. Gone are the days when his early speeches were drowned out by screaming girls or when Zayn Malik promised to deliver proportional representation. Sadly, the beginning of the end started when Nick decided to pursue a solo career after 2015 General Election, with the forgettable song ‘But I raised personal income tax allowance – why won’t you love me?’.
Pauline admitted: ‘In many respects Cameron was Clegg’s Yoko – shrill, talentless and nobody wanted to see them naked in bed together. Obviously you hold out hope that the Lib Dems might reform for one last farewell tour, or at least a one-off apology gig. When I was a young impressionable teenager, Nick reached out and touched me – a bit like Cyril Smith’.