The Truth about Goats
Reflecting on their proven track-record of outsourcing ‘things that matter’, the Conservative government have hailed Medway Secure Training Centre as a ‘beacon of maltreatment’, providing round-the-clock neglect ‘at affordable prices’. G4S staff responded modestly by saying that they are still committed to delivering their core services; bodging Olympic security, ‘helping’ people to die in custody and ‘ironically’ signing the UN Global Compact on human rights.
BBC Panorama investigation shares in shackles have increased, with city analysts predicting a boom in the abuse-based sector. A G4S spokeswoman said: ‘Private initiatives are not simply about better uniforms or rebranding ‘ill-treatment’ as ‘advanced discomfiture endowment’. We provide efficiencies in a range of areas; energy-saving Tasers, recyclable batons and using immigrant detainees as cheap labour’.
‘It’s all about the margins,’ she went on to explain’. ‘Be it overcharging for tagging, torture in South Africa or security lapses on military bases – we look to facilitate the cheapest forms of incompetence. You don’t have to pay exorbitant fees or elect Cyril Smith to scare children’.