The Truth about Goats
The BBC has agreed to stage the EU referendum at Wembley Arena, with a host of popular rock stars and musically-gifted xenophobes set to take the stage. Likened to ‘Live Aid’ but on an issue where no one is starving, the event will have appearances from key anti-EU supporters; such as Boris ‘Limp Brexit’ Johnson, Michael ‘straight outta Brussels’ Gove and the UK’s 2003 Eurovision entrant – ‘Jemini’.
Wembley was the logical venue for what almost no teenagers are calling the ‘must have’ ticket of 2016 and what touts are referring to as ‘as popular as the clap’. Pop fans can expect two hours of steamy debate, with guest speakers expostulating to a jazz-funk fusion and ‘bag-pipe grime’.
Social media reports that Lady Ga Ga has agreed to perform a medley of songs concerning fishing quotas and farming subsidies. While Nigel Farage will croon his way through his ode to border control – ‘Blurred Lines’. This will all be accompanied by a pyro-technique display – with an effigy of the Strasberg Parliament being burned and consumed by Iron Maiden’s ‘Eddie the Head’.
This elevation of political discussion to a stadium capacity is expected to kick start similar events, with David Dimbleby touring as a Marilyn Manson ‘tribute and puppet show’. One fan said: ‘Brexit is like Zayn Malik going solo. Ultimately we don’t want ‘One Direction’ if that direction involves never getting your £100bn budget audited’.